Used to it.

Im used to heartbreak.
The kind that makes your heart sink.
But I feel I am nothing all the time.
Is it wrong?

I don't know how to explain this.
But its hard to miss.
The empty cold heart is not mine
but yours as you cast me aside.

Used to it.
The heartbreak.
But you make my heart fall.
When you don't know what you do.
And I can't explain it.
Cause when I do.

I don't know if you'll love me.
speaking only starts the fight.
That wheels a sword
and is never right.

// Not Quite Here or There

I am not here
Or there
but consequently, everywhere.
I am not there
or here,
I fear, I have already disapeared.
What? You say?
A human can't vanish in the air,
open time and space,
move mountains, less create

See, if I was here, I wouldn't write this,
I would be far away, in my own land
not wanting up or down,
See, if I was there, I wouldn't dare stare,
and make awkward convesation,
wait for time to stop,
so i can say something important.

All I here is my mind buzzing,
creating whirls of twisting frightning,
most commonly in the form of lightning,
and how I just can't stop rhyming
made up up words, it is not delighting.
makes me feel insane.
Yet i am writing this, i blame
the internet has possesed me,
created a non-stop thinking,
flighting back-and-worth in my brain
kinda night, just to impress me.

I better catch some sleep,
or tomorow will be rough,
i don't want to do anything,
just lay in bed and rest
I feel compressed, the time
is ticking and I feel suppressed.
This feelings never stays,
my heart always strays,
everytime I try to close a lid,
darkness surrounds the upper flip,
and groggy eyes finally slip.

Well my poem is almost finished
Took me exactly 5 minutes,
I was talking on Skype till 2
Please add Skype, for me,
but definetely also for you.

See I am not here or there
I am everywhere
I am the glass of water on your table,
and I am that childrens lovely fable.
I please and argue, detest and mess,
I am the one who always in distress
lest, not forget, my mind is racing,
these thoughts they flow so gracefull.

I feel finally creative. 
so please don't take this away,
this here and there must stay,
if it doesn't stay,
my mind will think clear,
and no creative energy will appear.
Like a drop of a hat all my energy
will disapear. 

What is left I say?
The unhyper me that will fade away.
If I fade away, please don't remember me,
forget me, because the harder you try to,
then you'll really start to remember me,
They did this study, isn't that funny,
I am just running on ideas,
flowing with feelings,
and all I can say
is goodnight and don't wisf me away

// Tiny Star Wish

tiny star, 
up up far.

wish i were
wish i was, 

never let me fall
becauz,

I can't go back 
I must go on, 

don't you make me,
take me back.

tiny star,
up up far,

above the clouds
adjacent to my heart,

don't let the rain
drown me out

don't let the sun,
spun about.

i cannot spell 
I cannot think

tiny star,
up up far

your so high,
i cannot think.

the world is gone,
without your light,

i don't want to
disapear tonight.

and if you do,
i will spill beloved tears everywhere.

tiny star,
up up far,

i want just one wish,
and here it is tonight.

wish i may,
wish i might

have this large, huge, giant
wish

feed the hungry, give to the un-rich
if you must, cure the sick.

but most of all, least of most,
cure this tragic heart,

that is strangling me to death.

Draw

It's twelve or so
on the go
drawing up a big storm
pencil to paper
forcing its nature
finding a way
to make it turn gray
breaking and holding
while gently turning
thrusting and flinching
the paper
then comes the finish
all nicely printed 
stares at it briefly
Starts another immediately.

Title.

Paragraph.

I am...

 I am DEATH               
sitting
waiting
finding
searching
I am LIFE                  
wanting
knowing
growing
striving
I am ME                   
showing
getting
wishing
hoping 

Butterfly

In a jar
I am four
Theirs a leaf
Twirled real tight
mom said
a caterpillar
will take flight
after sleeping
a long time
in a jar
i half leaf
twirled up tight
when it will open 
time will tell
I am four
I don't wait too well
impatient 
thats what she calls me
a long time passes
and then it happens
something comes out
slowly
but surely
it is coming out
I let it out
thinking it would stay
the window to the trees
it flew overhead
free
free
free
i just wanted to see it fly a little
not leave me
come back my butterfly
i want to keep it.