//Poems Part One

The list is endless:

//So Far Away

I break your heart
with every note they sing
all those sad songs
and people holding hands
ae memories once their, now gone.
all i have to say is
your so far away.
all i have to say is,
your gone.

Even if i say
I love you
from where I am
its lost.

If love is lost,
between the miles,
and your to blind to care.
Who'll be you're guide
back to where? this love we share.
and I'll have to take this burden
direct it to myself

I am to mute to share,
don't speak of it to well.
how will i guide you
if you cannot see,
and i cannot speak.
maybe with just one touch
when you come back
taht will break this curse
and bring you back to me.

//Closure

Its over,
no closure?
   but its over.

if we stay here, just thi way
I know your wanting
but its over, its over.
and its definetely closure
all the way, ship has sank
can't raise the dead,
the love once breathed
has suffocated in many ways.

don't keep talking
I want to see more of that walking
please leave my place
the town the world, please go
before i forget myself
and love you all over again.

//Facts of the Heart

My head hurts today,
is it because I feel so sad?
Would the world stop, suddenly
to make me feel glad.

Why am I plagued with
horrible thoughts that
never seem to leave,
am I the only one, is this fact
or fiction, please

Does my heart learn to heal?
or does it slowly melt away
it has already start to fade away
why do all my friends,
really think they can relate.

Am I the only tears?
beings soaked by showers
am i the only person
that wants and needs, but cowers

Do you

//Puddles of Tears

My tears, make puddles everytimeI cry
these puddles turn to ponds.
and these get larger overtime.
Over years it becomes lakes.
These lakes hold misery, pain and mistrust.
These feelings hold inside these lakes
and slowly get bigger,
Then oceans start to appear
the salty tears make the body sting
Until it evaporates and dries.
leaving large depressions in my sole.
That can't be filled and are never whole.

//Hold It In

If you hold it in,
You'd break, expload
you'd never live
and die alone

//Petite Rose

       Mini Rose
          Behold
          Pink and Bold
Drying up
Winters death hold
Turning brown
water is empty
spring rains down
leaves a plenty
buds are blooming
LIfe consuming
Making spring
so moving

---

//It is what it is...

I looked at my entries in my journal.
Each one clearly written, not as formal
as the stuff I usually write,
their are poems scratched and scribbled
back and forwards in the margins.
Each one making a point,
though not as easy to distinguish
the certain feelings that went though my mind
at the time.

Sometimes I sit in bed, thinking.
Waiting for memories to go away.
As for myself, I feel like I should fade away,
thats what you said anyway.
Gestures, even slightest of the wrong
make me think of things i did,
words that were said
like elevator music,
annoying and at the back of your head.

Though my entries fill will love, they pour with mistrust
that word could fill the whole universe
yet its stuck inside the confines of my head.
you, talk about forgiveness
but its left unsaid, your talk is in gestures
the way you try to hug, the shallow kiss,
the unsaid is all that left to feed
the hungry mouth of uncertainty
which you left for me to scrap.

my entries are filled with happy and sad.
Ups and downs, they are internal
They follow me with every turn
Hyper, excited, happy turns to cold,
lonely, wasteful and these feelings
like candles, burn into the night,
not resting, and when a breeze hits,
wham your out of light.

I am a restless person, always searching
always looking, things are tallied
weighed and reassured.
The journal, keeps tabs on what I can't control
this fault of mine i bear,
I am who am.
It is what it is.
No matter what I share.
No matter who does care.
It is what it is. Is it?
Such an endless debate

//Underneath

Paragraph. Click here to edUnderneath your smile, is a warm embrace.
Your tender laugh, lights the way.
Our hands reach, but just our cheeks touch.
As I lean on you, you lean on me.
We are perfect symmetry.
Hand in hand, heart in heart. soul by soul.
You complete me as all those
Countless love songs, burn into my mind.
We are our song, my poem, your duet.
whatever sorrow fills my eyes, your their
whatever skies begin to fall, we're their,
whatever laugh starts to entangle your heart and mine, im thier.
You give me single look, the trance, i know,
Underneath your smile, is unwritten brilliance.it.

//Random Baby

Random Crap: (popping into my mind)

Every step I take, undoes itself,
So there is no step at all.
Sometimes if i take a step,
Its like i've gone back
And never stepped at all.

----------------------------

Everytime the wind, hits my face,
It always feels like someone
Is helping me get through the day.

Everytime it rains, the world seems complete,
The thirsty plants and hungry world
Is near complete.

Everytime it snows,
The blinding light unfolds,
and everytime it Hails
and lightning fills the clouds,
the thunder quakes and my
inner storms let out.
-------------------------
Love I touched your face,
Your heart near to mine,
And when you happen to come near,
My heart flips and folds
And finds.
WHat is lost?
What is found?
When your near, i could drown.
When you near, I don't frown.
When your near, im found.
Delete

//All She Thinks About (needs editing) -.-

Your face it lights up her smile,
But now you've been gone awhile.
But when you return, her heart.
Takes a spin, does a mile.

She hasn't conditioned her hair today,
in a month, not for awhile,
since she heard, you'd be gone.
She hasn't left the house, not today, not tomorow,

Your hand on hers is slowly falling,
Her light is slowly dimming,
Her tears keep flowing,
but her grace, once good, no aiming is fading.

You gone has changed everything.

sometimes she smiles,
not for a while, soon she stares forever at your letter.
her heart is broken, wounds don't heal.
Time is stopped. Everything stops sometimes.

Hits the pit of foreverness,
and splits all the darkness out.
People pass by her, relatives and friends,
and all she thinks about, all she thinks about.

Is him.

//Anxiety

An over-embellished
Non - existing
anNxious feeling,
I never wanted
Everythings rushed,
eaTing away your mind,
That makes You feel crazy.

//Break Down Walls

I disappear into thought. Just like a mystery.
I am between. Am I me or Someone am I not.
I can't wait for the morning.
My eyes are closed and I am cold.
My memories disappear as I fumble towards the old
Theirs no hiding. And theirs no corners anywhere.
Its like a masquerade and I don't have a costume.
or nothing good to wear.
Pen to ink, I catch a story, I catch a dream.
I paint a picture, so clear, its there, but i am not it seems.
I follow my intuition and my fairy tale unfolds.
I disappear into imagination, breaking down walls,
holding on feelings, and making intentions known.

//Listless and Neither

My brain is exploding with anxiety.
I can't turn myself off.
Ever minute of the day
I am worrying away.
Why does everything happen to me?
WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
I am past freaking out.
I am past letting my mind go.
I am gone. i am way past gone.
I am nuclear. I am not here.
barely here... fading into
the nothingness.
Trapped.confused
and barely seeing the light
I am listless and neither.
Less nothing, and not.
I am barely a person,
Lest you forgot,
WHY? WHY ? WHY ? WHY?
Won't my brain shut off?

//Tears

Meanding my heart is harder than told.
I tried so many times, to stop those tears that flow.
I mistakenly place the blame, on others that i know.
But deep down I understand the choke, is all my own.

Kindly, I try to soothe this restless sole,
but everystep I take is pounded by deep snow.
Making every struggle, a deep trench farther in the deep.
I can't sleep everynight because my worrying keeps me from sleep.

//Suffer

I am not impatient,
peculiar as that seems,
even though my legs,
crying jittery pains of leave,
but i'd never wait it seems.

Sometimes you have those,
who complain and complain,
but thier is no trouble in
waiting quietly with great pain,
i'd rather not say a word,
than tell you what I fear.

quietly i suffer,
I can not stay here now,
my heart beats faster,
So don't you wonder why I am
Almost crying silently, i never wait i said,
Waiting is not something I do,
Impatients has no room.

//Transparency Legacy

Nevermind me,
I am air, invisible, I am clear
My trust is in dispair
Like solace, my troubles disapear
I am air, invisible, see through,
My time is drawing near,
Like lost, my life's maze is here
I am air, invisible, and frail,
My tale seems so say,
Like a Legacy, my transparency will never go away.
Nevermind me,
Nevermind me,
I won't be seen,
But I'll always be there

//Truly Falling

I fall into misery, plunging into its depths
like cloud brings rain to earth,
I dive in the depths of self-hate,
Suffocating myself, I stay below.
I know I am okay, because it is
Pride that keeps me alive,
As I sink not knowing why I do so.

My head is fully submerged and
My tears feeling like a rainstorm coming from my head,
As the tub fills over its edge, and my arms don't move.
I can't escape, I am paralyzed with all this hate.
I think as I am so deep, and if I should fall asleep,
At that moment I realize, what I have thought.
Jump up, stop the water, and quickly, my thoughts rethought

//Halted Destiny

Theres a chain
its bound around me
and it keeps me locked uptight
to never let my trueself out
and my life is halted
and dreams seem shattered
and my heart keeps breaking
and everyone keeps taking
and my clocks have stopped
and my dreams have dropped
and i cant get away
and this feeling stays the same
the life im living
i keep on giving
i need to get away
cause im locked up in this cage

//Misery

You see me cry
you see me hurt
you dont understand.
how could you not know
how would you feel
how am i to live
where am i to go.
the hearbreak i've been through
the pain i've felt
the fear i tasted
you'd never know.
you didnt dare to ask
you see me all in black
what can you say.
the world on my shoulders
crying day and night
nothing i can do
nothing feels right

//Existing isn't Enough

Vindication of my existence,
Through everything I can,
Eccentricities, that make me,
Who I really am, while whimsical and odd surround,
As I leap off of the ground,
unpredictable, so don't you analyze.
I don't fit your kind. I hope you do realize
for me, Existing isn't enough,
Footprints in the sand, wash away with time,
Even stone, wears away with grind.
Leave a mark of so grand, not even time can wash away.
Existing isn't enough, without a life so unique not grey.

//Flowing

If my heart will not love again,
Tears from the sky will shed,

Fluvial landforms of meandering streams
Will form on the way down from my head

Craters of feelings, gravity brings everything down.
the marks of my past, form new mistakes.

I can't keep these feelings, which falls from my eyes
and flows almost endlessly until late in the night

I can’t keep these feelings, they well up inside.
that only time can erase, and new love can find.

//Madness in a Poem

Sometimes when feelings are not their, a poem will do its care.
When words cannot speak, Sweet silence revolves in its peak.
I sit and wait for something To make me feel alright,
just waiting here forever, takes time. My heart begins to beat,
faster than my mind kind will. I cannot feel my body, When everything isn't right, Derealisation maybe, Cause I don't feel so alright, Maybe if poems were sure to speak, They would be loud.
I am never going to speak, so please poems release, release, and release this pressure in my mind. The madness of this kind,
transfers straight to you my poem, For all the loudness you do speak,
you make my feelings out there, so i get much relief.

//Magic Tape

My heart is broken, It ruptured my sole.
It is clearly damaged and I'm putting magic tape over the hole.
To conceal the ache and to permit a change,
I'm healing a broken heart, should of mended it from start,
cause it only seems to last, and it won't go away.
Reliving the thoughts, horror in a glass of wine.
Atonement is never spoken of, naïve thought to be my mind.
Self-importance keeps you cornered, you and only you to cry.
As you keep me hurting, you to hurt inside.
Only thinking of self, Admitting would be curing but it
will hurt the pride.
Magic tape, fix me up, and make my heart again feel.
Magic tape, I'm waiting for you to heal.
Don't fix my breaking bones, only those which mentally conceal.
Those tears that once ripped through the heart, are the
hardest hurts to heal.
If time only makes the terrors stay, please mend it
fast and make it go away.

//Create

I am a box of random thoughts,
Placed in  every corner,
Running through the mind,
To destract.
Yet I do opposite from that.

Your laughing cue, sparks a hue.
The paint you push
is marked everywhere,
Your thoughts are jumbled
as your hands lash out and creates
So i train your focus to:

Create.
Create.
Create.

Until these feelings are let out.

I am a box of randon thoughts,
Tied nicely with a bow.
I am harvested together,
and held inside your flow.

I am the one that creates,
The poems you hold inside.
These random thoughts
Will come and go,
But I the box will always be in your mind.

The thoughts are all different ones.
Not one the same.
Not one the same.
but all are connected in some way.
So you can:

Create
Create.
Create.

Tattered Wings

I followed you,
into that drumming beat,
I followed you.
were you sung
I sung,
but now you turn away.
all i hear is faint words.
its barely just a hum.
and barely in time anymore.

I followed you.
Now you want that to
I followed you.
So you turn away
and find someone to follow to.
Our beating hearts.
once the same
stopped in mid-love,
mid-beat, mid-touch.

I followed you
untill i couldn't fly
I followed you.
until everything was torn apart.
as you break my wings
the beating stops.
I cannot fly no more
I cannot feel no more
I'm not here, I am in between,
and these tattered things
I call wings, will never fly again. 

Don't Cry

Tearful eyes, don't cry.
I know your sad today.
but that'll all go away.
Tearful eyes don't cry
cuz tomorrow you'll repeat.
and I have to live you know.
Can't stay in this sorrow.

Tearful eyes don't cry
I know you've held
your smiles back so long
you think that their gone,
just a smile might make
you remember, the one
whose gone, but thats wrong.

Tearful eyes don't cry
stop wasting your time
dragging your body around
everyone says your so sad
that they lost you and him both
so don't keep this mope.
don't let the tears,
drown your fears.

Tearful eyes don't cry
i know your said today
but that'll go away.
Time thins out the feelings
times heals, time feels for you.
but don't let time
completely steal you.
Cuz we need you too.

I know you tried to hold the tears,
But your body won't listen,
and your mind keeps on missing.
and your eyes are still sore,
But the deeper the love,
the harder to console.

Don't Cry by ~toxic-hearts

//From

I am from
Early morning rise,
Getting up and opening my eyes,
To the morning light,
And its daily dew.

I am from cameras,
Art on the floor,
Pictures in pockets,
And doodles of hears, and stars,
With halos on lined paper.

I am from books,
Songs that don't sing,
Music in my head,
And photo albums
Lying on my bed.

I am from scraped knees,
"thankyou" and "please"
Biking down vertical slopes,
climbing trees, fighting geese,
And trying to keep up with the boys.

I am from heartbreak,
Lyrics that truly speak,
Tears and hurts,
Foolish lies, Don't you cries,
And locked away dreams.

I am from aspirations
Of trying to hard,
Working myself sick, and
Moulding myself into
Something I am not.

I am from vernon,
Westbank, Kelowna,
Merrit, Burnaby, and Surrey too,
Graduating at Alpha Secondary,
now attending wonderful Post-Secondary.

I am from moving too much,
Loosing all my stuff,
It was really tough, thirteen elementary's,
One middle school, and one high shcool,
I had to go to.

I am from kindergarten,
To grade twelve's ups and downs,
Sitting there to listen, to wanting to teach,
Finding books at my library and
Learning languages I want to speak.

I am from popcorn,
cotton candy icecream, and broccili,
Sushi, bad spelling,
Christmas with my dad,
Driving to Disney Land.

I am from it hurts sometimes,
Invisible feeling, like your not alive,
Going under water,
Not feeling like I want to go out,
Laying at the bottom, Just looking out.

I am from jam sessions,
Dads guitar, music on muvo,
Singing in the car,
Harmonicas and Pianos,
And charms on bracelets,

I am from falling forever,
Where the hole I make,
Is too hard to leave,
And I am stuck between,
Everything that doesn't make me, me.

I am from my head in the clouds,
Doodles instead of notes
on my paper,
messy writing,
And not listening to teachers.

I am from orange blue,
Colors of the sky and sea,
Shapes of the brushes,
Which I push my paint with glee,
That shapes the clouds I see.

I am from pencil to paper,
Until these words sound right,
Until I can strain,
Out the feelings,
Which are buried inside me.

I am chapters, of books I read,
Sinking deeper and deeper,
Away from the world I used to dread,
Thankyou Mrs.C, for keeping me alive,
Grade 7, would of killed me, falling into depression
and literally you saved my life.

I am from moving into with my dad,
Alcohol can't bother me no more,
And my mom's is better, than before.
My friends are what ground me,
even though my insecurites,
start to surround me.

I am from poems,
Itching to get out,
Like a sliver you can't take out,
Like a feeling you can't just say,
Its thier even if you can take it away.

I am from don't speak,
Where my words are gone,
And sentences don't form,
As I open my mouth
and nothing seems to draw out.

I am from...
Late nights under the stars,
To a kiss before night,
Tucked in bed, awaiting a dream,
To pop in my head.